Forgiveness - Remembering the truth of who you really are
The act of forgiveness is not about saying what the other person did or said is okay - it's about remembering who you are. So many put so much energy into resisting the things that you do not want, you forget that you are indeed creator. There is nothing that is outside of yourself that can exert itself against you. Everything that is in your experience is there because of your focus and attention to it. If you remember the times when you have been hurt and talk about that hurt, then more of the same pain will be delivered unto you. If you remember betrayal, then more will be delivered unto you. If you remember abandonment, then more will be delivered unto you.

That, which you think, creates your experience of life. You might say "I was hurt, I was abandoned and I was betrayed, how can I deny that?" But once you realise that you are a creator and once you acknowledge that you drew these experiences to yourself, then you can also know that you have the undeniable power to draw new, more fulfilling, joyful experiences unto yourself. For as you think, so you experience. Think about failure, it will be yours, think about pain, it will be yours, think about betrayal, and it will be yours.

When you are unable to forgive another, what you are doing is denying your own power, your own power as creator, and handing it over to them. What you are saying is that you are subject to the will of another, to the actions and words of another and that you have no will of your own. In reality, you are a powerful being, an eternal soul, who has been given the free will and unlimited power to create what you want.

When you are unable to forgive, it means that you have changed the truth of who you are. It is not those who have moved against you that have changed the truth of who you are. You have allowed their actions to tell you that you are something other than a powerful child of the divine.

Once you remember, and seek to remember who you truly are, then forgiveness will become second nature, for you will truly understand that nothing can exert itself against you, that the only things that come to you are those things that you yourself have drawn through your thinking. In knowing this, you will also know that you have a choice. A choice as to how you are going to think, as to how you are going to think about yourself, believe about yourself, a choice as to whether or not you will choose to love and accept yourself and acknowledge yourself in self appreciation.

Forgiveness is about remembering who you are. If you have not forgiven, then you have not remembered that you are loved beyond all measure. Forgiveness is a state of being wherein a personal decision is made to overlook a hurt or miscommunication or cruelty. Forgiveness is a state of rising above the feelings of misery that exists when you are in pain and anger - pain and anger that exists only because you have chosen not to forgive yet..

Rise above the emotion
Ego gets in the way of resolving forgiveness issues, usually, and spirit demands eventual forgiveness in every situation for the total completion of karma.  This can take time, however.  Sometimes people mistake forgiveness for karmic completion.

For example, you may think that you can get over an upset by simply "forgiving" the other person for their supposed transaction Actually, karma completion happens when the other person can see and experience how you felt, and what you went through, when the karma was created. So, forgiveness sometimes feels artificial, when your essence gets that the karma is incomplete. 

Forgiveness should not be mistaken for excusing inappropriate behavior or for martyrdom. Forgiveness is instead a setting aside of the viewpoint that the perpetrator's action has the power to control your destiny. You have the power to control your destiny and when you forgive you rise above and set aside the actions of others.

The action of forgiveness is for you, and allows you to be in what Christ called a "state of grace" - meaning the ability to live in the context of seeing your life as a generally happy one. It's a feeling that you are on the right path, and basically being fulfilled by your physical plane experiences. To fall from this state of grace, means to live in a context of unhappiness and difficulty. Forgiveness does not excuse people from balancing karma, but merely allows the higher self to direct the appropriate karmic completion to take place, and removes the karmic "juice" from the atmosphere.

Forgiveness is also not to be mistaken for what metaphysical people often do which is to deny their expressions of anger and need for justice. To pretend to forgive in order to look metaphysically correct, is to achieve nothing, you will still be miserable, not in a state of grace, and incapable of happiness until you truly allow yourself to rise above the offense.

It is sometimes easier to be passive, and resistant, than to express your disappointment or needs for boundaries around someone who has been inappropriate in your direction. Also, the expression of any true feeling, even anger, creates intimacy with the other person. And if you are very angry, the tendency to withhold intimacy is great. (Because you may not trust the other person with it.)  However, to express the Truth is the only way to move beyond anger and pain into a state of neutrality and to fully forgive, and to turn justice over to your higher power. This is something that has to be learned.

It is very easy to form a cloud of denial and righteous indignation around oneself in order to avoid the intimacy and vulnerability of calling someone to task for their behavior. By holding onto judgment, however, you are not only hurting yourself, but denying the other person of the lesson that you may be able to offer them.

The tendency to run and hide after confrontation is universal. You may do this out of embarrassment, or the inability to stand up for yourself while in intensity. You have the obligation if this person is truly your friend to tell him that some of his opinions are being interpreted in your heart as judgmental and that makes you feel sad and uncomfortable for him. If you discuss this with him in a non-judgmental way, he may be embarrassed, but he will ultimately be grateful for the direction.

These people may not be aware of the impact they are having on you. For example, they are upset, and frustrated, trying to express their own anger, and are not thinking about their impact.

If you say, neutrally, "I don't know if it was your intention, but when you said/did this, I felt fear, alienated, pain, or judged, etc." That way, you are taking full responsibility for your own reactions, not blaming the person but just letting them know what reactions they are bringing out in you.

If someone responds that they do not care about your feelings, then you need to make it clear to yourself and that person that even though you forgive their inappropriate actions or words, you cannot allow yourself to be in intimate settings with them in the future if they refuse to consider your feelings and at least attempt to communicate or behave in a way that doesn't dishonour you.

It is extremely important to recognize that you were put here to be fallible, even though the occasional "perfect" moment feels so good. If you can be reasonable and kind in your expectations of yourself, it will be much easier for you to be in unconditional love, of others. Until you learn to unconditionally love - and that means tolerate and accept your own "flawed" self, and the flawed selves of others - you cannot complete your cycle of lifetimes on the physical plane.

Realise that it is most difficult to be in self-forgiveness and acceptance whenever your survival feels threatened. Another hindrance to self-forgiveness and self-love is embarrassment. Embarrassment is a form of arrogance, and most people will do practically anything to avoid looking bad.

Forgiveness is letting go
It is not possible for someone to take advantage of your forgiveness.  Forgiveness does not have anything to do with other people.  It has everything to do with you.

Forgiveness is letting go of your resentment, disappointment, anger, and hurt. When you do, you are free from these prisons. They no longer captivate your attention. They no longer intrude on your thoughts and your sleep. You are no longer steeped in anger and righteous indignation. You no longer feel the need to convince others that you have been wronged. You give up being a victim, and step into a lighter, less restricted consciousness.

Forgiveness is self healing.  Before you forgive, you are fixated on what has not gone the way that you wanted it to go. Not forgiving is holding on to your expectations.  Forgiving is releasing them.

The feeling of being betrayed by someone that you have forgiven is not as simple a matter as it appears, but once you understand that your expectations are involved, it becomes much clearer. When you feel that you have been betrayed by someone, it is because you have expectations about that person that he or she did not fulfill. Forgiving means letting go of those expectations. Once you do that, there is nothing for anyone to betray, and no way that you can feel betrayed.

If you say to yourself that you have forgiven someone, but you haven’t let go of your expectations, your forgiveness is not really forgiveness.  It is an attempt to manipulate that person into behaving in a way that is acceptable to you. When he or she doesn’t do that, you feel betrayed. It is really the failure of your attempt to manipulate that hurts.  You wanted something to happen, and it didn’t. Not forgiving is insisting that another person should be the way that you want him or her to be. Forgiving is letting go of that insistence. It allows you to see clearly, instead of through the filters of your desires.

Once you see clearly, you can act appropriately.  If that requires that you change your relationships, you can do that with an open heart.  You do not have to resent someone in order to make a change in your life.  You can do it because it is appropriate, because you see changes that you want to make, and you make them.

Here is the main point:  If you forgive, but continue to resent, you have not forgiven.  If you forgive, but tell others how happy you are to be done with the ordeal, you have not forgiven.  If your heart is not light and happy, you have not forgiven.

Forgiving is choosing a light and happy heart instead of anger and resentment. Anger and resentment are very attractive. You cannot be a victim without them. You cannot live with a light and happy heart and be a victim at the same time.

The choice is yours.