No More Tomorrow’s

"Bye Dad, see you later! Yeah, yeah, I’ll be home early!"  Why do parents worry so much?  I’ve been waiting all year for this and I’ve finally been able to convince them to let me go.  My first dance party.  All my friends will be there and Norman, I hope Norman’s going to be there.  I know that I’ll be alright because Bekky, my best friend will be there.  We do everything together and we always look out for each other. 

The music is really pumping and the rooms seems a lot smaller than I thought it would be.  It’s very dark and I can’t really see any faces, but I like it.

 I can’t believe I’m actually here.  "Check my hair Bekky, is it okay?  You look great, those jeans are so tight!"  Here comes Brad.  "Yeah, of course you should dance with him! I mean you’ve been talking about him all week."  I’m so glad he wants to dance with her.  They look so great together.

There’s so many people here.  There’s Kristy and the grade 12 girls.  Look how cool they are and Norman, he’s with them.  I knew he would be.  He could get any girl he wanted.  Kristy dances so well and she’s so pretty.  What’s that she’s just taken?  That’s some sort of pill.  Oh, don’t tell me, she’s doing drugs! That’s so stupid.  Look, they’re all taking pills!  They must think that it makes them cool or something.

 The music really is good.  I love that beat.  Look at the girls dance now, they are so hot.  I mean, they move so well.  There’s no way I could join them though.  It’s funny standing here by myself.  But as if they’d ever talk to me.  I wish they would though, it must be so cool to dance like that.  They haven’t got a care in the world.  Oh, here comes Norman, and he’s walking straight towards me.  Now, don’t look too eager, I tell myself.  Try to be cool.  "Oh, Hi Norman, great party!"  Gee he smells good.  What’s that he’s got in his hand?  Oh no, it’s one of those pills.  "Ecstasy, no thanks, I don’t do that."

I wonder if I’ve blown it, they’ll never talk to me now.  But it’s okay, he just smiles and goes back to the group.  The girls all laugh.  They are all having such a good time, and I’m standing here all by myself.  Maybe that ecstasy is not as bad as they say it is.  It’s not hurting them.  I mean, they’re having a great time.

Now, don’t be silly, you know drugs are bad.  But maybe, if I just took one, just this once, I’ll never do it again.  All as I have to do is walk over to Norman.  He smiles and holds out his hand.  The girls all gather round me as I take the innocent looking pill.  "Go on," they say. "It’s great!"

Norman’s smiling so warmly at me.  There. It’s done.  That wasn’t so bad.  I feel so good.  Look at those colours: red, yellow and blue, it’s beautiful.  Feel that music, it’s so much more intense now.  This ecstasy is so good.  I can’t believe all the fuss.  I’m in another world.  I move beautifully, I look so hot and now I am one with these people.  This is so good. I’m floating, colours are spinning.  The faces are just a blur.  I’ve never felt so good.

What’s that on my arm, it’s a huge spider.  Oh look, there’s hundreds of them and they’re all over me.  Nobody told me this would happen.  They’re gone now.  That must’ve been one of those hallucinations that they’ve told me about.

I feel so cold.  What’s happening to me?  This isn’t how its’ meant to be.  I can’t move.  I’m meant to be dancing, but I can’t move.  Can’t anybody see it?

Stay calm, stay calm, this will pass!  My arms and legs won’t move and those girls just keep dancing around me while I lie on the floor.  This is bad.  I know I’m in trouble.  Why won’t someone help me?  I can’t move a muscle, I’m paralysed!

Oh God, why did I take that pill??  What’s that on my beautiful white top?  Oh no, it’s my own vomit and it’s got blood in it.  Oh God, I really am in trouble. It hurts so bad, I’m throwing up but nothing’s coming up.  The colours have all gone and I can’t even feel my own body.

Its getting dark.  Keep your eyes open girl, this will pass.  Thank goodness, it’s you Bekky!  Why are you crying, this will pass.  I only took one pill.  What’s that sound I can hear.  The ambulance siren sounds so far away.  Stay with me Bekky.  We’ve promised we’d always stay together.  I’m so sorry Bekky that I took that pill.  I can’t keep my eyes open.  I’m so sorry Mum and Dad. I know that I’ve let you down.

It feels like a weight upon my chest.  Why can’t I breath?  I’m sorry God, I know I’ve let you down and I really need your forgiveness here.  The weight upon my chest now is unbearable.  If only I could spit that damned pill out.  But I know I can’t.  I can’t go back and for me, there are now no more tomorrow’s.

   Top                                    By Natalie, 15 years.