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Enid
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Yon:
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Yes Jim, there's more to life than piracy.
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(Yon and Scod look at Gatesy, expecting an interruption, but he turns his back and continues playing the guitar softly)
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Yon:
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There's romance.
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Scod:
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Romance? But Captain, if I may be so bold, what do you know of love and romance? You don't know how to lead a normal life!
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Yon:
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I can dream, Jim! I dream, Traitor Jim, that I could live life on a farm. With a girl. Yes, yes, that's what I'll call her - a farmgirl. In my dreams I even know her name, Jim. I call her... Enid.
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Yon:
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Enid of the sunrise, streaming through the trees.
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Cleaning all the rice,
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Measuring the nuts.
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Enid with your barrow sticking to the peat.
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You whistle to a goat, and he fishes you out.
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Then you take him home to your hut and eat him.
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Gatesy and Scod:
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Enid, take me down to where the mockingbird nests.
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You crack an egg on my forehead,
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Yon:
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And smear the yolk on my chest.
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Enid, you've the map.
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Enid, you've the compass.
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You've the sextant, you've the telescope.
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You've got the tools - be bold!
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So come and find the gold.
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i.e., my heart.
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Scod:
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You have a lovely singing voice, Captain.
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Yon:
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(In his bad pirate/English accent) Thank you!
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Yon:
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Entering the cabin, I will raise my sword.
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Looking so defenceless in your sleep,
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Fully unaware of my creeping towards you.
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As I move in close, I make a fatal error.
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The floor beneath me creaks, and you wake with a start.
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You remind me you're my wife, and we laugh at my silly mistake.
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I forgot that I'm not supposed to kill you!
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Tripod:
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Enid, you and I will make a wonderful pair.
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Yon:
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I'll hack a peasant to pieces,
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Gatesy and Scod:
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You take a pig to the fair.
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Yon:
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Enid of the windmill, processing the maize and wheat.
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The wind strikes the sails/propeller,
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Which in turn drives the central shaft,
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That not only grinds, but powers a rudimentary pump,
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Extracting water from a dam to irrigate the fields,
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Tripod:
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In the dry season...
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Yon:
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... of my heart.
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Yon:
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You know, Jim, you're my first mate.
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Scod:
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Yes, I'm aware of my duties, Captain, I need to go and...
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Yon:
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No, no, Jim, come back here! I'm telling you something quite personal. You're my first EVER mate.
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Scod:
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Awww...
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Gatesy:
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Nice!
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Yon:
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I said it quite nicely...
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Scod:
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Awww...
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Yon:
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But when I get that Gary Coleman - ha ha ha ha - the things I'll do to him! Well, I'll chop his head in half right down the centre...
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(Gatesy starts going crazy on the guitar)
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Yon:
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... and then scoop out each side to make some sort of perverse bowl, yes! And in this side I'll have dips and chips and on the other side maybe hommous or salmon-based...
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Gatesy:
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Da da da da da-da-da da!
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Scod:
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(Trying to get Gatesy to shut up) Ssh... they can't actually hear him...
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Gatesy:
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Da da da da da-da-da da!
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(Scod grabs the guitar, dragging Gatesy across the floor)
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Gatesy:
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Oh, I'm in that!
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Scod:
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(Retrieving the guitar) All right, now.
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