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World According to Carp
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(Many thanks to Lisa for these lyrics).
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(The challenge was to write a song that involved Harry Connick Jnr, a houseboat, carp, a musical show tune, Country and Western, and Rock and Roll).
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Gatesy:
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We call it "World according to Carp".
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Yon:
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It’s a musical.
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Scod:
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And that’s the best joke in the whole thing.
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Gatesy:
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And it’s a pun, get that!
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Scod:
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This is set in the Mississippi, this one.
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Tripod:
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I’m the loneliest carp in the river,
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No one wants to catch me, or eat me.
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I spend all my time,
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In the shallow mud and slime,
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And no other fish wants to meet me.
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Scod:
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'Cause I taste...
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Yon and Gatesy:
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I taste...
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Tripod:
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... Like shit.
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Scod:
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Now suddenly one of those houseboats came along.
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Scod:
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I don’t know what those boats look like above the water,
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But they sure don’t look like houses from down here.
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I wet myself with fear,
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Which isn’t so dramatic when you live down here,
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A fish wetting itself is considered a good thing.
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Scod:
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Now I saw a worm wiggling on a hook.
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My granddaddy saw a worm like that once,
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And, yeah well, we never saw him again.
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But I figured he must’ve liked it so much,
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Why, he went after it so fast,
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You’d think it was pulling him along.
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Well, I figured I’d do the same thing and follow my dreams.
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(Noises of a fishing reel being wound in and a fish screaming as it is dragged along behind)
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Scod:
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Well, I got taken up to that houseboat,
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And you’d never guess who it was that caught me,
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I bet you’d never guess who it was that caught me.
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Yon:
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Who was it?
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Scod:
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Well, it was Harry Connick Jnr.
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Gatesy:
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No shit?
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Scod:
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Yeah, did that come as a surprise?
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Scod:
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I got so excited, well, I flopped about.
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And my gills were pulsating so hard,
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Why, it must’ve looked like I was dying.
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Scod:
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He didn’t seem so happy to see me,
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He muttered something that sounded a little bit like "fire truck" or some such.
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Then he said,
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Yon:
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I reckon I got some carp
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Scod:
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Now, he was about to throw me back in and I piped up.
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First thing I said was "Are you sure you’re Harry Connick Jnr?"
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Yon:
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Mm hmm.
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Scod:
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You sound a little like sling blade to me.
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Yon:
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Yeah, some folk call it a kaiser blade, I call it a sling blade.
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Scod:
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All right, all right!
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Gatesy:
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And I said, in a musical kinda show-tuney way,
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Gatesy:
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How can I be cool,
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And impress the rest of the school?
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Before you throw me back,
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Tell me Harry.
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Yon:
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Just be yourself, you don’t need no one else,
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So you’ve got no friends and you taste like shit,
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Be proud of it.
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Gatesy:
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Are you sure you’re Harry Connick Jnr?
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Yon:
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Mm hmm, I reckon.
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Gatesy:
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And he threw me back,
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And well, I swam back down to the murky depths,
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And I had a new lease on life.
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Gatesy:
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If you want me, come and get me,
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You don’t stand a chance if you don’t hook now.
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I’m not waiting, any longer,
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You know that I’m playing to win this time.
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Gatesy:
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If you take too long,
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I will be too late.
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If you don’t act now,
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I won't take your bait.
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This time I’m displaying two fins,
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You know, throw me a line,
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Yon and Gatesy:
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This time I’m displaying two fins.
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