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Desperately Seeking Sandman
   
  (Many thanks to Belinda for these lyrics).
   
  (This was written just after the Sandman finished 204 Bell Street on Triple J)
   
Yon: (Phone noises)
Gatesy: (In a bad Sandman voice) Hello, you've reached the offices of 204 Bell Street.
Scod: Oh, what?
Gatesy: We're closed for the rest of the year.
Scod: You said you could do Sandman...
Gatesy: So you can leave a message after the Beep Beep BEEEEEEEP...
Yon: (In a bad Madonna voice) Hello, Sandman, this is Madonna.
Scod: That's Michael Jackson.
Yon: Hello, this is Madonna. Do you believe in love, Sandman? 'Cause I got something to sing about, and it goes a lot like this:
   
Scod: There's somethin' that I really really have to say,
  We don't have anyone like you in the USA.
  You're a freaky little man who writes kinky little weirdo songs,
Tripod: And I like that.
   
Scod: I've been listenin' to tapes of you from miles away,
  And I'm taken by your voice, I really have to say.
  You sure sound like someone who's stuck in a pubic netherworld,
Tripod: And I like that.
   
Gatesy and Scod: So Sandman, what more could you want from me?
  There's nothing I can't afford,
  And I get everything for free.
  I can be just like a virgin if you want me to,
  Or I can be a dirty scrubber,
  I can wear lacy fingerless gloves,
  Or you can have me in rubber.
  I'm desperately seekin' Sandman.
   
Yon: One time...
Gatesy and Scod: Desperately seeking Sandman.
Yon: Two times, two times...
Scod: Break it down!
   
Yon: Let's make milkshakes together,
  I'll provide the milk,
  You provide the cream.
  Unlike one of those waxy straws,
  I'm all mushy.
   
Gatesy and Scod: Desperately seeking Sandman.
Yon: One time, one time.
   
Gatesy and Scod: If I can't have you on my radio,
  I'll have you in my kitchen.
  The fridge is stacked and the lights are down low,
  It's gonna be bitchin',
  I got two scoops of ice cream, you bring the spoon,
  We can put it in a blender and shoot it to the moon,
Tripod: Or we could just have sex.
   
Gatesy: It's not about that, is it?
Scod: I think it is, it wouldn't be about milkshakes.
Gatesy: No, I think she's lactose intolerant, Madonna.
Yon: What, Madonna?
Gatesy: Yes, it's true.
   
Gatesy and Scod: Desperately seeking Sandman...
Yon: One time, yeah...
Gatesy and Scod: Desperately seeking Sandman...
Yon: Let's make milkshakes together...
Gatesy and Scod: Desperately seeking Sandman...
Yon: I'll provide the milk, you provide the cream...
Gatesy and Scod: Desperately seeking Sandman...
Yon: And the cherry if you want it.
  Unlike one of those waxy straws...
Gatesy: I'm all mushy...

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