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I Can't Stand People
   
Download the mp3 of this song from the Triple J website.
 
Gatesy: He was just a normal guy,
  And no-one could ever deny,
  That Kenneth was a reasonable man.
   
Yon and Gatesy: Kenneth used to come round here,
  But then one day he disappeared,
Gatesy: Oh Kenneth, where did you go?
   
Tripod: I went down to Kenneth's house,
  To see where he had gone.
  All I found was a little note,
Gatesy: That Kenneth had written on.
   
Gatesy: And it said:
   
Tripod: "I can't stand people!
  All the things that they do.
  If I can't stand people,
  Then I can't stand you.
   
Gatesy: I mean, on the bus,
   
Gatesy: People who sit on the aisle,
  And don't move, they just blink and smile,
  Like idiots.
   
Tripod: And standing at the ATM,
  They check their balances and then,
  Get money out.
Gatesy: As a whole separate transaction,
  It's a very annoying action!
   
Tripod: People who talk really loud,
  When they're wearing headphones.
  People who pretend they're human,
  When they're really traffic cones.
   
  I can't stand people!
  All the things that they do.
  If I can't stand people,
  Then I can't stand you.
   
Yon: I just couldn't stand,
  All of these negative emotions.
Tripod: Built myself a submarine,
  And went down to the ocean.
   
Scod: Inside of those oysters,
  I thought I'd find some pearl.
Tripod: Thought I'd find love,
  At the arse-end of the world!
   
Yon: (For the purposes of this song, the "arse-end of the world" means the bottom of the ocean).
   
Scod: But I didn't find love,
  Turns out marine life's fucking annoying too.
   
  Three, four!
   
Tripod: I can't stand fishes!
Scod: They wee in the ocean!
Tripod: All the things that they do.
Scod: Their plural's the same as their singular!
Tripod: I can't stand humans,
Scod: And I'm a fish-ogynist too..."
   
Yon: Oo-oo-oo-oo-ooo...

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