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Bonus Track Part 1
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Yon:
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It's the last show of the season, and we've had a fun festival. Of course, you know, the reviews have come in, and what we thought we'd do is read you some of our reviews.
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I'll read the first one, this is from The Age, and it reads thus:
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"Tripod - mucus is your friend! Or so these three cheery Melbournians would have us believe. Yon, Scod and Gatesy are a colourful boyband-come-Tellytubbies package that, according to their press release, will have you boogie-ing in your chair." Mmmm!
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Gatesy:
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(To audience) Aren't you just?
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Audience member:
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A chair would be good!
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Yon:
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A chair would be good...
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Gatesy:
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Maybe you should have come earlier!
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Scod:
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No, let's just verify that - those of you who have a chair - is it any good?
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(Loud audience cheer)
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Scod:
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Yeah, apparently it is, you're right.
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Gatesy:
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God bless all the standing people!
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Audience member:
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Yeah!
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Gatesy:
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Yeah, exactly... maybe not you.
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Scod:
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So, review! Review!
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Yon:
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All right, okay. Next paragraph.
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"The Tripod boys provide yet another example of Australian music comedy slickness". Mmmm! That's good. Thank you. "With all the smooth good nature of a Saturday morning cartoon show - mmmm! - the 'Pod boys - mmmmm! - provide a refreshing - mmmm! - if not challenging - mmmm! - hour - mmmm! - of - mmmm! - pleasant - mmmm! - light - mmmm!" ...
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Gatesy and Scod:
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Yon!
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Gatesy:
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Fuck off with the "mmmm!'...
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(Pause)
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Yon:
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... "entertainment".
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"Gatesy, the burgundy one, gives a dynamic, excitable, naughty-boy performance... without venturing too far from the standard boy-band meet-your-parents broad appeal."
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(Audience cheers and claps)
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Gatesy:
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(Indignant) What are you clapping for?
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Yon:
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"Scod provides a personable, solid, revenge-of-the-nerd presence, playing the guitar with workman-like precision. The only real surprise of the show was the small but compelling package of Yon." Mmmmm! "His freaked-out, man-from-another-time persona had me in stitches more than once. Providing the show with its only moments of true originality, Yon wide-eyed his way through an otherwise lacklustre effort. Keep an eye on this green-clad comic, his future is bright!".
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The Age!
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Gatesy:
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Sun-Herald Sun: "Tripod - love them or hate them, you have to find them funny. In fact, sometimes you don't know whether you're laughing with them or at them. This trio provide the perfect example of a team effort, in so far as the stronger members help out the weaker members to create an overall entertaining result. In this case, the weaker members... are Yon!"
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Gatesy and Scod:
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Mmmmm!
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Gatesy:
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"Alternating between face-pulling and what I can only call an attempt at deadpan, Yonny's comedy leaves the audience wanting less! Of him, anyway. Is the deadpan a device, or is it that he has nothing worthwhile to offer?
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Gatesy, the lead member of the group" - Yeah! - "spends a lot of his time on stage salvaging the show from the comedy vacuum that is Yon!" - This is a top review!
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"His confident, dangerous appeal transformed the show from might have been a stuttering, pointless dirge into what can only be described as the night of my life - thanks Gatesy!"
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Scod:
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(Looking at Gatesy's review) What does it say about me?
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Umm... this is my review. This one I got from the... err... Mulvern... Star.
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"Gatesy and Yon are shit." Mmmm! "Scod is ace. True to style, once again this wonderful fpferful..." - it says that - "... once again this wonderful performer has delivered a festival offering that is at once mesmerising and hilarious. His raffish charm and wandering, engaging story-telling style make him beautiful to watch. I first saw Scod in his 1985 UK tour, and instantly in love, I immediately went out and purchased tapes of his inspiring travel documentaries. No wonder he is considered world number one - his affability belies a keen intellect and piercing insight, sharpened by decades of doing stand-up shows. He is also, without doubt, one of the finest screen performers of his generation. His hilarious comic acting in 'Head of the Class' is matched only by his serious work in 'Her Majesty Mrs Brown'. Scod is my favourite comic. Let's hope this bearded Northerner never runs out of stories..."
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Gatesy:
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Scod!
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Scod:
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"... of his life in the slums of Glasgow..."
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Yon:
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Scod!
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Gatesy:
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Scod! It's Billy Connolly, mate. It's not you at all. Okay? You're going to take this seriously? Play the guitar.
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Scod:
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No!
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(Scod starts playing)
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Scod:
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Two! Three! Four!
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Tripod:
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Girls who look like guys,
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Who still manage to be good looking.
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They're good lookiiiiiing,
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Even though they look like guys.
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Scod:
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It happens, people!
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Gatesy:
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It's true!
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Scod:
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They're out there.
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Gatesy:
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Now, we're going to perform that same song that you just heard in many different styles.
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Scod:
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Yeah! Okay, let's perform this song in, say... I know, Jebediah!
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Yon:
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(Jebediah) Girls who look like guys,
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Who still manage to be good looking.
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They're good lookiiiiiing,
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Even though they look like guys.
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Yon:
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All right, okay. Now we're going to open it out to the audience. I want you to name - and be difficult, come on - name a singer, and I will perform the song in the style of that singer.
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Audience member:
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Phil Collins!
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Freddie Mercury!
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Yon:
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Phil Collins.
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Scod:
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Okay, Phil Collins.
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Gatesy:
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Phil Collins! Come on Yon, let's go!
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Scod:
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One! Two! Three! Four!
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(Pause)
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Yon:
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Hang on, stop. Who's Phil Collins?
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It's all right, I'll be fine. Come on, let's do it.
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Scod:
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Okay, okay.
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(Scod starts playing)
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Scod:
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One! Two! Three! Four!
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(Pause)
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Yon:
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Ahh... stop. Does he have any, like, mannerisms that I should know about?
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Audience member:
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No...
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Yon:
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Just, you knowing, thinking, if I could...
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Audience member:
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Shave your head!
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Yon:
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Shave my head...
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Scod:
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All right, okay!
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Gatesy:
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Shave your head!
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Yon:
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All right!
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Gatesy:
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That's good!
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Yon:
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How do I look?
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Scod:
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One! Two! Three! Four!
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Yon:
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Does he sing up high or low? Is he like...
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Yon:
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(Sings very high) Girls who look like guys...
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Yon:
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Does that sound like him?
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Audience member:
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No...
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Yon:
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(Sings very high) Girls who look like guys who still manage to...
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(Sings very low) Girls who look like guys...
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Yon:
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Help me!
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Yon:
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(Sings at a few different pitches) Girls... girls...
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Audience member:
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Low!
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Yon:
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(Really low) Girls who look like guys...
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Yon:
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That's sort of it, isn't it? I don't know him that well.
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Gatesy:
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Hey! Imagine... imagine if Freddie Mercury sang it! Yeah, Freddie Mercury...
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Scod:
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Okay! One! Two! Three! Four!
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(Scod plays the entire song. Yon doesn't sing a note.)
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Scod:
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Oh, yeah! Wow!
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Gatesy:
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How you did that!
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Scod:
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What a weird juxtaposition!
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Gatesy:
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Yeah!
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Yon:
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And he does that sort of idiosyncratic thing, you know...
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Scod:
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Yeah...
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Gatesy:
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Freddie... Freddie, eh? Freddie...
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