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Mucus
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Scod:
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Welcome onto stage the freshest young merchandising machine in the festival - please go wild and crazy and make noise for Trrrrrrrripod!
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Tripod:
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Yes! Yay!
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Tripod:
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Ba-da-da da da da-da da da da da-da da da, da-da da da dum.
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Ba-da-da da da da-da da da da da-da da da, da-da da da.
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Yon and Gatesy:
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(do do do do, do-do-do-do-do)
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Scod:
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Thanks guys for coming to the final festival show for the year 2000 of Tripod. It's lovely to see so many of you here on Easter.
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Yon and Gatesy:
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(do do do do, do-do-do-do-do)
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Scod:
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First of all what I thought might be nice is if I just talk shit for a while and see how long these guys can keep that up.
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Yon and Gatesy:
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(do do do do, do-do-do-do-do)
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Gatesy:
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We could do it all night!
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Scod:
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Yes, that's what I've read.
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Yon and Gatesy:
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(do do do do, do-do-do-do-do)
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Scod:
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And then what I thought we might do is start off with a song. Which, I guess, this is an ode to the unsung hero of the human body. This is a song about how handy it is to have mucus...
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Yon:
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Mucus, I love you 'cause of all of the useful things you do,
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Gatesy:
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You are the fluid, when I'm disillusioned, you're who I go to.
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Scod:
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There is no secretion that is as versatile as you,
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Tripod:
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Mucus I love you, mucus I do.
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Scod:
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Oh mucus, how do I give thanks to you 'cause,
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There's no end to all the tasks that are done by mucus.
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Yon:
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Disinfectant...
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Scod:
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Insulation...
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Gatesy:
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Mucus, you trap foreign bodies.
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Tripod:
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Da da da da da da!
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You're a sealant, lubricant, and you're a glucose,
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Venus flytraps, they secrete extra-sticky mucus.
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Yon:
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Also...
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Gatesy:
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...as a mode of...
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Scod:
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...transportation...
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Gatesy:
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... mucus, you're bacteria's best friend.
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Yon and Scod:
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Mucus, I love you 'cause of all of the useful things you do,
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You are the fluid, when I'm disillusioned, you're who I go to.
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Scod:
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Back when the Earth was only young
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Yon and Gatesy:
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(Young young young young)
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Gatesy:
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And we were in the ocean, life had just begun.
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Scod:
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Primeval ooze, just another word for mucus, you are my ancestor,
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Tripod:
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As well as what you do,
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Mucus, I evolved from you!
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Yon:
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Hey ladies.... Hey, hey ladies.... hey hey....
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Hey ladies, meet Gatesy! He's our very own burgundy-clad doctor of luuurve, who also happens to specialise in the art of male erratic tabletop dancing.
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That's right girls, he'll inconsistently pleasure you all night long!
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Interested? Well, his contact number is 7754-DANGEROUS.
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Gatesy:
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Ladies, meet Scod.
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(Audience cheers)
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Gatesy:
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It's not a competition!
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The true essence of geek chic, cool, clever and calculating. The poster boy for Dungeons and Dragons - there he is now, tossing for charisma.
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He enjoys nothing more than a quiet evening at home playing Star Wars trivial pursuit, and is often compared to C3PO. And is just as camp, let me tell ya.
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Ladies, are you interested? Fellas, are you interested? Whooo, what a way to finish the festival!
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If you are, you can contact him on 1-BIG#DORK.
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Scod:
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Okay girls, I know you've been watching him all night, well now's your chance.
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His name's Yonny, he's on loan to us from the X-Files people. But we've only got him till Monday - we have to have him back for one of the Myer window displays by Christmas, so it's up to you to make the most of this little rubber sexual inferno.
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He's been watching Baywatch all summer, he sure knows how to turn it on in the sack.
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Umm... I mean sack racing!
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Gatesy:
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Whatever that has to do with Baywatch, you know, hey.
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Scod:
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If you're interested in him... well, God help you, but his contact code is 053-YODA.
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Yon:
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A-one, a-two, a-one two, break it down!
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Tripod:
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Ba-da-da da da da-da da da da da-da da da, da-da da da dum.
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Ba-da-da da da da-da da da da da-da da da, da-da da da.
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Mucus, I love you.
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When I'm feeling blue.
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You will get me through.
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Ba-da-da-da-da-da!
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In movies, such as those made by George Lucas,
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When they need to simulate realistic mucus.
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Special experts need to be there,
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Mucus, you create employment!
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Scod:
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(Yeah),
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Tripod:
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Mucus, I love you, 'cause of all of the useful things you do,
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Yon and Gatesy:
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(You know you do it).
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Tripod:
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There is no secretion that is anywhere as pleasing.
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That's the reason,
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Scod:
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(Yeah),
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Gatesy:
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Mucus,
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Tripod:
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I love you!
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Gatesy:
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Rock and Roll!
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Scod:
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Yes!
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Gatesy:
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Spiderman!
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Scod:
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Rock and Roll!
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Yon:
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Rock and Roll! Do you think that in the 40s people yelled out "Swing!"?
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Gatesy:
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Waltz!
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Scod:
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All right people....
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Yon:
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Although waltz is strictly speaking... oh, no, it is a style of music, sorry.
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Gatesy:
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They were more the 20s anyway.
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Yon:
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20s?
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Gatesy:
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Yeah.
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Yon:
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Oh, the waltz goes back to the early 16th century.
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Scod:
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Yeah, the comedy's finished, by the way guys. We're just getting into some ah....
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Gatesy:
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The Charleston! Charleston.
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Yon:
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Musicology today.
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Scod:
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Yes. Oh, hi, thanks for coming! What is it, Easter Good Saturday or something?
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Gatesy:
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It is, something to do with Jesus!
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Scod:
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What happened? Friday he got crucified...
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Gatesy:
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Apparently...
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Scod:
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Saturday they went for a beer...
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Gatesy:
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Yeah...
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Scod:
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Sunday they slept in... Monday they went "Oh my God, he's back, that's amazing." Is that how it worked?
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Gatesy:
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No, Sunday.
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Yon:
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Yeah, Sunday.
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Scod:
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Oh, Sunday?
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Yon:
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Yeah, but maybe the news got around by Monday. You know, they didn't have the Internet.
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Gatesy:
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How are you going? Have you enjoyed the festival as much as we have?
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(Audience cheer)
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Gatesy:
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How do you know? We could have had a shit festival.
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Scod:
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You never know!
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Gatesy:
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Yeah!
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Scod:
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Very presumptuous of you!
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