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Lady Robots Lyrics

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01 - For the Purposes of this Show
02 - Fat Gloves
03 - We're the Nerds
04 - Yon's Song
05 - Someday the Lord
06 - We'll Make it Work
07 - Guitar Kings
08 - Little Man
09 - The Super-Nerd is Revealed
10 - Song for Scod
11 - Musical Snippets




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We're the Nerds

   
  (The Tripod guys have found an abandoned nerd settlement. There is writing on the ground in Klingon. Much to Gatesy's amusement, Scod has just revealed that - despite his nerdy reputation - he can't speak Klingon).
   
Scod: What are we going to do? It's obviously some kind of important clue.
   
Gatesy: (To the audience) If I say that I speak Klingon,
  Will they see me as a nerd?
  What will they say if I tell them,
  I understand every word?
   
Scod: Gatesy?
Gatesy: All right... I speak Klingon!
Scod: (Running to embrace him) Brother!
Gatesy: I'm not your brother! And I'm not a nerd. I just... speak Klingon.
Yon: Right... then you're kind of like me, then. You see, I'm not gay, but I love cock.
   
  (Pause. Gatesy and Scod look disturbed)
   
  (They rush over to read the writing instead)
   
Scod: (Picking up the guitar) Luckily, I can read Klingon chords.
   
Gatesy: (Reading off the ground) This is my last transmission,
  After this, I'll be gone.
  If anyone hears this message,
  Help the movement live on.
   
  Me and my brothers,
  And our sister... Deirdre.
   
Yon and Gatesy: We're tired and weak and our fuel cells are dry,
  And we've totally run out of rations.
  And all our emergency flares,
  Have gone right out of fashion.
   
Scod: How could we set trends,
Yon and Gatesy: ... could we set trends,
Scod: When we never really had friends?
Yon and Gatesy: ... really had friends?
   
Tripod: Back on Earth, we were outcasts,
  We were nerds, or so people said.
  We generally kept to our own,
  But one group wouldn't leave us alone -
  The teachers of Phys Ed.
   
Scod: They'd spent three years studying health,
  But they never understood the word "asthma".
Yon: They're constantly wearing a whistle,
  Even when they took vegie Maths... ma.
Gatesy: Cross-country running - the horror!
   
Scod: We were tired of living in fear,
Yon: Of undies being wedged up our rear.
Gatesy: At a weekend Star Trek convention,
Scod: Somebody yelled out, in Klingon:
   
Gatesy: (Yells out a phrase in Klingon)
Scod: That sounds like a swear word in English. What's it mean?
Gatesy: "We're gonna rocket right out of here!"
   
Yon: We will never falter,
  Though we have names like "Walter".
   
Tripod: We're the nerds,
  We're the nerds,
Yon and Scod: We're the nerds...
Gatesy: I just want to make it clear, when I'm singing "We're the nerds", like, I'm not actually saying I'm a nerd...
Yon and Scod: We're the nerds...
Gatesy: Okay? I'm just reading off here, on the ground.
   
Scod: ... In Klingon!
   
Gatesy: So we landed on this alien planet...
Yon and Scod: We're the nerds...
Gatesy: And built ourselves a nerd utopia...
Yon and Scod: We're the nerds...
Gatesy: It doesn't matter if the sun is shining...
Yon and Scod: We're the nerds...
Gatesy: 'Cause no-one forces us to go outside.
   
Yon and Gatesy: We're the nerds...
Scod: We walk around in cloaks and medieval armour...
Yon and Gatesy: We're the nerds...
Scod: The streets cry with our annoying laughs...
Gatesy: (Laughs annoyingly)
Scod: We thought this world we'd built had everything.
   
Yon: So the nerds lived for years, free of the presence of PE teachers. But nerds cannot live on toast alone, so they set about building a race of women.
  This would serve them twofold - firstly, they could continue the species, and they would get to have sex for the first time.
   
Gatesy: But the plan was fatally flawed, for the nerds' knowledge of women was sketchy and third-hand, at best.
   
Yon: We tried to make them realistic,
Tripod: Slim, and seven foot tall.
Scod: But when they finally met us,
Tripod: They didn't really like us at all.
   
Scod: We were beneath them,
  How familiar.
   
Yon: It quickly occurred to the nerds that maybe it wasn't such a good idea to equip the lady robots with stupid amounts of weaponry. And whoever had the idea to give the lady robots an insatiable appetite for nerd flesh made the oldest mistake in the book...
   
  ... fucking up.
   
Gatesy: Our deaths were ferocious and epic,
  But how cool were the special effects?
   
  (Yon does some simulated violent deaths... at length)
Scod: SIMON!
   
Scod: Those few of us that were saved,
  Made a last stand here in this cave.
Yon: And we never even got to have sex.
   
Gatesy: This is my last tran...
   
Gatesy: The words just stop, man.
Scod: He must have died whilst writing it.
Yon: That's so sad.
   
Gatesy: Oh, hang on.
  (Steps backward to reveal the rest of the writing, looks embarrassed) Oh...
   
Gatesy: ... ansmission,
  After this, I'll be gone...
Yon and Scod: You can shoot us with lasers,
  Blasting holes in our blazers.
   
Tripod: We will fight,
  We're the nerds,
  We're the nerds!

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