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Rock Eisteddfod

Yon: (Recording starts in mid-sentence) ... in our acoustic harmony stylings for the rest of the night, I'm afraid.
Gatesy: Once described in 1997 when we did our first Comedy Festival show as, "a little bit Christian a capella for my liking".
Scod: Yeah!
  Who reckons they've known Tripod since before they were cool?
  'Cause I've got news for you...
   
Gatesy: Can we please...
Scod: Get going? Absolutely, all right.
 
Tripod: Lai-lai lai lai lai lai lai lai,
  Lai lai-lai lai,
  Lai lai-lai lai!
  Lai-lai lai lai lai lai lai lai,
  Lai lai-lai lai,
  Lai lai-lai lai!
   
Scod: There's a girl,
  We see each other every day,
  But I... I'm too shy,
  And I can't even bring myself to say,
Gatesy: "Hello, how are you today?
  Lovely weather, by the way,
  If I was with you, I'd be happy to pay!"
   
  Oh, for dinner, not... oh, fuck!
   
Scod: She's so cute,
  She's got a little button head.
  And I try to be cool,
  But then I just trip over and nearly spew.
Gatesy: I just can't find a way to,
Yon: Ooo-aah-ooo...
Gatesy: Let her know that I'll be true,
Yon: Ooo-aah-ooo...
Gatesy: So I know what I must do...
Yon: Ooo-aah-ooo...
   
Tripod: I'm gonna win the Rock Eisteddfod,
  That's how I'm gonna win her hand.
  I'm gonna win the Rock Eisteddfod,
  And I'm a thirty-eight-year-old man.
Gatesy: Yeah!
   
Tripod: When I've won the Rock Eisteddfod,
  She won't leave me on the shelf.
  I'm gonna win the Rock Eisteddfod,
  Win the Rock Eisteddfod by myself,
  With no-one else,
  On stage by myself.
   
Scod: My thematic concept,
  Will be a post-apocalyptic nightmare.
  Made of cardboard boxes,
  And foil taped to my stack hat.
   
Tripod: She'll be impressed!
  And my costume will be the best,
  When the curtain rises, I'll be dressed,
  In fluoro bike shorts and a fur vest.
   
  I can see it now,
  We'll be the toast of Highpoint.
  She'll fall in love,
  With my mix of funky dance moves,
  And school spirit.
  And she'll finally let me near it,
  I'm a master of my art,
  That's the way I'll win her heart...
   
Scod: ... for my school.
   
Tripod: I'm gonna win the Rock Eisteddfod,
  That's how I'm gonna win her hand.
  I'm gonna win the Rock Eisteddfod,
  And I'm a thirty-eight-year-old man.
   
  When I've won the Rock Eisteddfod,
  She won't leave me on the shelf.
  I'm gonna win the Rock Eisteddfod,
  Win the Rock Eisteddfod by myself.
   
Gatesy: Dancing!
   
Tripod: And as for music, I'll only choose it,
  If it's got a serious environmental message.
Gatesy: I'll start with "Hungry... like the wolf",
Tripod: And then, "It's Raining... Men".
   
Scod: I hope it works,
  I hope she falls in love with me.
  My backup plan,
  Is to leave these rookie amateurs behind.
   
  And I'll really blow her mind,
Tripod: And I'll build my Jazz Ballet rep,
  I'll go the logical next step...
   
  I'm gonna win the Eurovision,
  Be a star and make her see.
  Singing in a foreign language,
Yon: (Operatic) Maybe then she'll understand me.
   
Tripod: When I've won the Eurovision,
  She won't leave me on the shelf.
  I'm gonna win the Eurovision,
  Then I finally won't be by myself.
  Row boats by myself,
  On see-saws by myself,
  Eating two ice-creams by myself...