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Design for Living

Flanders: Now this song, "Design for Living":
   
  When we started making money,
Swann: When we started making friends,
Both: We found a home as soon as we were able to.
   
Flanders: We bought this bijou residence for about a thousand more,
  Than the house our little house was once the stable to.
   
Swann: With charm...
Flanders: Colour values...
Swann: Wit...
Flanders: And structural alteration,
Both: Now designed for graceful living,
  It has quite a reputation.
   
  We're terribly House and Garden,
  At number seven-B.
  We live in a most amusing muse,
  Ever so very contemporary.
   
  We're terribly House and Garden,
  The money that one spends.
  To make a place that won't disgrace,
  Our House and Garden friends.
   
  We've planned an uninhibited interior decor,
Swann: Curtains made of straw...
Flanders: We've wallpapered the floor...
Both: We don't know if we like it, but at least we can be sure,
  There's no place like Home Sweet Home.
   
  It's fearfully Maison Jardin,
  At number seven-B.
  We've rediscovered the chandelier,
  Tres tres very contemporary.
   
  We're terribly House and Garden,
  Now at last we've got the chance.
Swann: The garden's full of furniture...
Flanders: And the house is full of plants!
   
Both: It doesn't make for comfort,
  But it simply has to be.
  'Cause we're ever so terribly up-to-date,
  Contemp-or-ar-or-y!
   
Flanders: Have you a home that cries out to your every visitor,
  "Here lives someone who is exciting to know"?
   
  No?
   
  Well, why not... collect those little metal bottle-tops, and nail them upside-down to the floor? This will give the sensation... of walking... on little metal bottle-tops turned upside-down.
   
  Why not... get hold of an ordinary Northumbrian spokeshaver's coracle? Paint it in contrasting stripes of, say, telephone black and white white, and hang it up in the hall for a guitar tidy for parties.
   
  Why not... drop in one evening for a mess of pottage? Our speciality, just aubergine and carnation petals. With a six-shilling bottle of Mielle du Pap, a feast fit for a king.
   
  I'm delirious about our new cooker fitment with the eye-level grille. This means that without my having to bend down, the hot fat can squirt straight into my eyes!
   
Both: We're frightfully House and Garden,
  At number seven-B,
  The walls are patterned with shrunken heads,
  Ever so very contemporary.
   
Swann: Our boudoir on the open plan has been a huge success...
Flanders: Though everywhere's so open, there's nowhere safe to dress!
   
Both: With little screens, and bottle lamps,
  And motifs here and there.
Swann: Mobiles in the air...
Flanders: Ivy everywhere!
Both: You mustn't be surprised to meet a cactus on the stair,
  But we call it Home Sweet Home.
   
  We're terribly House and Garden,
  As I think we've said before.
  But though seven-B is madly gay,
  It wouldn't do for every day,
  We actually live in seven-A,
  In the house next door!