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The Gnu Song

Flanders: Here's another animal song:
   
  A year ago, last Thursday, I was strolling in the zoo,
  When I met a man who thought he knew the lot.
  He was laying down the law about the habits of baboons,
  And the number of quills a porcupine has got.
   
  So I asked him, "What's that creature there?". He answered, "Oh, it's a h-elk".
  I might have gone on thinking that was true.
  If the animal in question hadn't put that chap to shame,
  And remarked, "I h-ain't a h-elk. I'm a g-nu".
   
  "I'm a g-nu,
  I'm a g-nu,
  The g-nicest work of g-nature in the zoo.
  I'm a g-nu,
  How do you do?
  You really ought to k-now w-ho's w-ho."
   
  "I'm a g-nu, spelt G-N-U.
  I'm g-not a camel or a kangaroo.
  So let me introduce,
  I'm g-neither man or moose,
  Oh, g-know, g-know, g-know,
  I'm a g-nu!"
   
  I had taken furnished lodgings down at Rustington-On-Sea,
  Whence I travelled on to Ashton-Under-Lyne it was actually.
  And the second night I stayed there I was wakened from a dream,
  Which I'll tell you all about... some other time.
   
  Among the hunting trophies on the wall above my bed,
  Stuffed and mounted, was a face I thought I knew.
  A bison? No, it's not a bison. An ocapi? It's unlikely, really.
  Could it be a hartebeest?
  When I seemed to hear a voice: "I'm a... g-nu..."
   
  "I'm a g-nu,
  A g-nother g-nu!
  I wish I could g-nash my teeth at you.
  I'm a g-nu,
  How do you do?
  You really ought to k-now w-ho's w-ho."
   
  "I'm a g-nu, spelt G-N-U,
  Call me 'bison' or 'ocapi' and I'll sue.
  G-nor am I in the least,
  Like that dreadful hartebeest,
  Oh, g-no, g-no, g-no...
  G-know, g-know, g-know, I'm a g-nu...
  G-know, g-know, g-know, I'm a g-nu!
   
  (Long applause)
   
  That's very g-nice of you.