It was the early years that we purchased an English Triumph Mayflower car of about mid the 50's model with jacking points built into the sub-frame and body.  Eventually it happened one day, we got a flat tyre.  So out comes the spare.  No, out comes the FLAT spare.  Isn't it a rule that you never check the spare for air?  Of Course it is!  OK back down the road to the service station, its only ½ a mile walk.

Get back with the tyre and fish out the body jack.  Jacking point is full of mud.  Get out screw driver&dig out enough mud, so the jack fits.  Undo wheel nuts?  Oh year, like hell!  Struggle for 15 minutes before finding out they are left handed threads.  OK, put the wheel nuts in the hubcap so the don't get lost.  Jack up the car.  This is were out mate Murphy returns, you remember that mud we just dug out of the jacking point, it has done a wonderful job of weakening the metal around the jacking point, which promptly starts to fold up taking the body panel around it with it.  Car finally lifts & remove the flat tyre.  Grab the spare & wheel it over to the car, in the process knocking the edge of the carefully placed hubcap, throwing the wheel nuts into the gutter, with them then promptly rolling down the nearest drain.

Those wheel nuts were never to be seen again.  OK remove the other hub caps, and take one wheel nut from each wheel, giving us three wheel nuts for each wheel, that will work.  OH Yeah!! Like hell !  You may remember our problem with the wheel nuts being left handed tread, guess what, the nuts on the other side were right handed weren't they.  So what so we do now?  OK, take two nuts off the other wheel on the same side - leaving two nuts holding the wheels on that side of the car - and driving home VERY SLOWLY.  Lower jack and remove.  OH YEAH!  Jack is now firmly wedged into underside of collapsed jacking point.  Hammer jack out with great difficulty as the handle on the jack digs into the body panel, denting itin a spot where the dent can't be removed easily.

OK, drive home.  Next day down to the dealer repairer to buy four wheel nuts.  EASY? OH YEAH!  Yes Sir, which model is it sir?  AH? What are you talking about? AHH! There are three models in that year - A, B & C.  'A' has right hand threads so it's not them, 'B' is too big, so it must be 'C'.  However 'C' is the least used, so it's twice the price of A & B.  OK.  Back home to find spare flat AGAIN and after hammering, the jack is unserviceable.  Back to the dealer.  Answer - this is known to happen with this type of jack, sir.  What you need is a bottle type jack, sir, and we have them on special discount at only $$, sir.  YEAH!  Pay my $$ and head back home.

This jack is designed to replace the original one and is fine with car standing on its inflated tyres, but with one flat there is no way in hell that is going to fit under this car.  OK. Fetch now repaired wheel from out of car, put it on the ground in front of flat and drive up onto it, so then jack can be put under car and lifted up.  Sounds right easy.  Drive forward onto tyre.  OK, then tyre rolls, car slides off and wheel stands up smacking into it and putting a great dent into the mudguard, and jamming itself under the guard.  RIGHT.  At least I can now get the jack under the car and change the flat tyre.  Finally get car back on its wheels and drive to repairer to have bodywork fixed.  JEES mate, who run into yer?  A bloody truck?  What do I say to save face?  Being of the MALE sex, I think I can shift the blame here, it will be okay.  Nar, happened in a supermarket car park.  AH YEAH mate, I know how it is, bloody women drivers, but, I am afraid this will cost you mega $$$.  OK, but that was one hell of an expensive flat.

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